Learning new things!

Lately, I have been feeling down in my spiritual life. Nothing huge, just sort of apathetic...not on fire. This evening, I was doing my daily Bible reading in Revelation. I had a few chapters to catch up on, and so I settled in for a portion of, what I have considered, one of the scariest books in the Bible. (Not my favorite book) I did not expect anything great to come of it, and started in with a less than favorable attitude...then, I got to one of the "worst" parts. "And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and the books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life......and anyone not found in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire." Rev. 20:12 and 15. Not the most encouraging section of scripture, but it definitely served the purpose of driving me to my knees. Literally. I just sat there begging God to write my name in that Book. After a few minutes of silent prayer, I continued reading. The next part that I read gave me chills of gladness and made me praise an almighty Father who knew that I needed His word...."And He said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.'" (YES! It gets better) "He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God, and he shall be My son." Wow...that really stopped me in my tracks. All apathy gone, and now I have come to the conclusion that this is one of the best, most hope-filled books ever! But then, He gives us the icing on the cake. "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." Rev. 21:4 I cannot explain what this did for me, or the peace that comes from knowing that our God is not a God of terror, but that He loves His people so much  that He came to us in an extremely humble way...then, on top of leaving His glory, He died that brutal death to give us the most wonderful, awesome eternal life with Him.

Amazing Grace!!!

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to jump on here and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! I hope you have a super awesome day with lots of laughter, family, friends, and encouraging talk. Just remember to praise Jesus for coming to be with us and sympathize with us in our sufferings and joys. Keep Him the center of your day today, and check out this encouraging Christmas video if you have a moment...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1pQVRyPGTEc 

I think this is the song we are doing for our church's ChristmasRecital...... :)

Love...so many kinds, and the story of a girl's heart.

I have always struggled with acceptance. Not from family members or friends, but just accepting myself. Even as a little girl, I idolized my older sister, and everything she did was perfect and awesome. Since then, I have always wanted to be something other than I am. Whether it was to be like her, or like something or someone else. So often, I have sat on the floor in our little bathroom and cried....cried for who I wanted to be..cried because of what I was...cried because I was afraid and doubted the love of God....cried because of where I was in life. Ultimately, I was crying from discontent. Crying tears of doubt like the Israelites in the desert. I began realizing that I needed something to change. Something had to give, and it was either going to be my brain, my family, or my pride. Because, really, that was, and is, The Problem. Well, thankfully, my brain is still intact, as is my family, and both are healing, (albeit slowly), from the ravages of the result of my sin. This is kind of the story of what I have been working through in my life...This is the story of my heart. ( A while ago, a friend proposed a challenge to unmask your heart. I did it. Sort of. In a post you can read on this blog. But it was all stuff my friends knew anyways. This is the real unveiling...)


I was in trouble..again...Why? Why all the pain, and heartache, and disrespect, when I really did not want it? I had heard it over and over and OVER again...honor your father and your mother, etc. But something was not connecting between my ears and my heart. I would get angry. Really angry. And then, there would be peace for a week or two. Then it started all over again. Back in September, we girls and a couple of friends went to the miniature horse Nationals in Tulsa, OK. Right after we got home, there was, yes, one of those big, ugly scenes. I hurt a lot of people. (Emotionally) And then I realized that I needed a new life. I was sitting outside on our porch thinking over the recent trip. It came to me that an event that had occurred, which I thought was small at the time, had really impacted me....more than I knew. This is an excerpt from my journal about the event and the day I remembered it on....

"It is a beautiful day. There are grey storm clouds and the rain is gently falling on our healthy, bright green winter grass.  But I sit here crying. Why? Why all the inner turmoil on such an otherwise amazing day? Why can't I learn to be content? I have so much.
   There is a man somewhere in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is broken....scarred by the use of drugs and by so much other pain in his life. He is about twenty, tallish, and would be handsome except for the evidence of drugs in his eyes. I saw him only once. At a gas station, a QT. He had a black eye then, from a fight. When I first saw him, I was scared, because he was watching us. He was sitting on a curb by our parking space. While we were in the store, a man pulled up next to him, talked to him for a second, gave him some money for a soda, and then left. He got up and walked past me as I was leaving. The pain in his eyes was unbelievable, almost not human. After we left, I cried. God alone knows how I cried for him.....it has been a few months, but I can still see that hunted look. Is he still alive? I don't know...I still pray." And I do..... For some reason, that little scenario really had an impact on me. It was sort of one of those, "But for the grace of God, there go I" moments. I began to see how truly blessed I am....with a loving family, and friends who accept me no matter what I do....and, most of all, a God who cares for me so much, that He sent His own Son to die, just for me. That truth and the significance of it has been so hard for me to grasp.

Anyways, after that day, the next time something really had a profound impact on me was when I had a severe cold a little while back. I decided to re-read the unabridged version of Ben Hur. I had read it about four years ago. Unfortunately, when I read it the first time, all I got out of it was the romance between Ben Hur, Iras, and Esther. (Pretty sad). I even skipped the whole first book with the story of the wise men. This time, I read the whole thing. I realized halfway through that the book was not a romance story, as I had originally thought, but was really an amazing, well written and presented Gospel story! I was so surprised! And I was very, very thankful for the wisdom of the author. This is going to sound awful, but while I have gone this far, I might as well go all the way....the Bible is sometimes very boring to me.....I mean, so boring that I struggle to get through daily devotions. The Gospel had become an old story, and Christ was just some man who lived 2000 yrs ago. Yes, that really looks awful in writing, but it is sadly very true. I am so grateful that God sent that book into my life. Through it, the Gospel story came alive, and I realized that Christ is SO much more than "just a man". I cried my way through that book, but it was very good for me. And so I am beginning to change. Slowly. But there is change, and I don't want to lose it. Yes, some days are hard, but the severe anger has been gone for sometime. Please, please pray for me..... I don't want the discontent or the anger....I want to be able to love myself ...not because of anything that I have done....Far from it! But wholly and solely because Christ loves me so, so much....it helps me to be content while I am waiting. I so want to graduate, and get married, and "move on in life", but I am slowly learning what it is to love where I am at.

OK, I was not prepared to write all that when I sat down, but I suppose it was good to get it all out. I want the mask off. I want to stop hiding under a fake profile, and I want to learn to love.

ER....

Sitting in the ER with Mom right now. A week ago today, I came own with a severe cold. It was worst that day, Sunday, and then slowly got better over the next two days. Jess came down with the same thing and recovered pretty fast also. We thought Mom had escaped. She took immune boosters like Elderberry, vitamin c, etc.  Last night, we were watching Fiddler on the Roof and eating pizza, yum!, and she said she felt a little nauseated. She got over it pretty quick though, and thought it was just something she ate. This morning, I got up at 6:00 am to take a shower before church. She called me in her room, and when I went in there, she was in agony. Her lower back was giving her intense pain and she was having cycles of dry heaves every 20 to 30 minutes. The pain got really intense, and  she asked us to take her in. She never gets sick, and when she does, she rarely lays down. This was really unusual. Dad drove and I just went to help.

She was really dehydrated, so they put her on iv fluids and morphine for the pain and something else for the nausea. Please pray she gets better.

The girls went to church, and we are all three supposed to play on our church's Christmas Recital tonight. We have to leave at 4:30. And then we are supposed to go over to another family's house for dinner. Not entirely sure how we are going to work all this.....but the most important thing is to get Mom feeling better. She just Sid she was more relaxed...probably the morphine.

Anyways, please pray for her....

Time...

I know I should post.....and I have a profound post I want to do...later....when I have time. I just wanted to let everyone know that I do still exist :)

I got to go walking with one of my best friends/mentor today!! Great time....but cold :) (37 this morning) Yikes!

Encouragement...

Please take the time to go and read this lady's blog. She is truly and amazing author and writer and I love reading her writings. I have one of her books and love it. http://www.aholyexperience.com/

18 Today!!!!

Unbelievable how fast time flies!!!! I have learned sooooo much in these 18 years, and it is absolutely mind-boggling how much I still have to learn! I am so thankful that my family has put up with me and all of my faults for so long , and that my heavenly Father has not given up on me, but continues to grow me. Today, we are going to go boot shopping, (I really need new ones), and then this evening, we are going to have the R's over and hang out and eat yummy pizza :) My "real" birthday party will be in August though, when we get to go up to Payson for the weekend for the Payson Rodeo. We are going to stay with a friend who has a little cabin up there...so much fun!!! I 'm sure Lis will get some amazing pictures, and I will try to share some of those when we get home.

We got to go camping this weekend of the Rim!!! It was so much fun. I'll try to post pics from that later.


A week ago today, my Father sent me the best birthday present ever!!! My Nubian doe had two adorable little bucklings. She had a safe delivery and they are happy, healthy, and cute!

 I just wanted to share a few before and after pics for you all to see!!!

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The real me....

Okay... Here it goes. David (godscountryboy.blogspot.com) posted the Real You challenge recently. I have struggled just with starting this post because I am the type of person who is constantly stuffing what they really feel, and put a nice smiley mask on. I will try to be as honest as I can....

Some of my biggest fears:
 I am very concerned with what other people think of me. I am always afraid that they will find out who I really am and could never like me if they knew.

One of the biggest ones for me is..... That I will never meet a man who will love me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me, or, if there is one, that I will not like something that he does/likes, and could not see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Recently, I have come to realize the enormous commitment that marriage involves, and I cannot see myself loving anyone yet like Love is needed in a marriage. However, I also desperately want to get married.... (For the girls who understand this fear, pleeeeaaaase pray for me)

I doubt the love of God and am constantly afraid that He will give up on me (even though I know the scriptures about this).

I distrust the love of my family and, overall, distrust the commitment of all my friends. (This is my problem, not yours, by the way, for any friends of mine who read this....)

And..... One of my worst character traits is irritation/anger. I hate it, have prayed about it, and am not sure what to do.....another area for prayer.


Okay, I think those are my biggest baddest problems/fears.....besides the millions of "little" ones that I also struggle with.  All I can say is .... Please pray for and continue loving me.....

Just Like Jesus....

I am an avid fan of Max Lucado and I have recently been reading his book Just Like Jesus. Many of the things he says convict me and also help me to see the Bible and it's principles more clearly. I have been wanting to post more things that a important rather than just pictures and fun stuff, but finding computer time is so hard for me. I actually have a little time tonight though, so I will attempt to do a post on what the more meaningful parts of this book (for me) are.......

Chapter 1
A heart like His:

Christ love us just the way we are, but He doesn't want us to stay that way. He wants us to be just like Jesus. In the Bible, we see many picture that portray the heart of Christ.  He had a heart that was pure and peaceful. Even though He was loved by thousands and His disciples constantly were worried and arguing, He was content to live a simple life that refused to be guided by vengeance. He refused to be guided by anything other than His high calling.

Our hearts, on the other hand, seem so far from His. We are a greedy, cranky, earthbound lot that is so focused on self we frequently forget Him. However, as surprising as it may seem, we already have His heart. God promises that, when we give our lives to Him, He will give Himself to us and make our hearts His home. He lives in us, but the reason we still so often act like ourselves instead of  Him is because we are content to live with our souls saved but our love unchanged. We are connected to Him, but not altered. He has ambitious plans for us, and longs to remake our hearts. He wants to make us just like Jesus.

Tune in  next time for.... Just kidding. But I really will try to continue posting these chapter by chapter.

Pictures from our house the other day.

 We spent time in our front yard the other day and these are some pics from then.....

Pictures from our most recent horse show!!!!

Wow.... we are having soooo much fun with the horse shows. On the last weekend of March, we had a tree day show. It was at West World in Scottsdale. Mom and the girls did great with all the horses except one. Mom, Lis, and Jessie are at a show today which Lisa is photographing in Maricopa, and, so far, they seem to be having a lot of fun out there. In two weeks from today...(I am soooo excited), Mom and us girls are going to Riverside, CA for 2 1/2 days for a show over there. Dad and Dave, our ever-faithful-always-available Barn Boys, are going to generously stay here at the ranch, and, once again, hold down the fort. Okay...pictures...... I can't find any from the other two days...this is just the first day. Will try to post some of the other days later.

Jessie ;)

The Hitching Post aka Dustin

L to R... Amy, Kailey, Jess, Alena, Dustin, Mrs. C.

Kailey, Jessie, Me

Jess and Mooch

Lis

Amiee (a different one) Mom, and Lis

Lisa and Electra

A rather..um.. nervous Jessie :)

So awesome!

Life is so amazing! I was talking to a lady friend at church a couple of weeks ago and mentioned how
I was kind of discouraged because my Walk has seemed really  roller-coaster-like. I have had many highpoints where I have felt so close to my Maker, and other times where I have drifted and not really been on fire for Him. She told me that it was actually a good thing that I felt this way since it showed me that my spiritual life is active and growing insead of laying dormant like I am afraid it has for so many years. Anyways, I just wanted to post this to give glory to God for the slow but sure reworking He is doing in my life......and I am grateful that He promises to never give up, even though I am soooo unworthy and have so far to go! 

"He has put a new song in my mouth
 Praise to our God;
 Many will see it and fear,
 And will trust in the Lord. " Ps 40:3   "If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." Gal.5:25

A Fun Picture Of Us Girls

We went up to Chino Valley the other day to look at some more horses. On the way home, We saw this little shop and Lis wanted to get a pic of us in front of the sign.

Fiesta Bowl Parade Pics!!!

Dave

Linda and Paul

Yours Truly

David

Jessie

Mommy

Pat

Mrs. R

Mom and Mickey

Richard

 

 

 

and Pat again!

Updated Pics :)

I have not posted pictures in forever, and don't have much time now, but here are a couple from Dec. If I can get my brother to send me pics from our hike, I will post some of them..Hint hint David... :)

Funny,  but none of us girls realized we had rolled our sweatshirt sleeves up until we saw the pics, but we all had done it! I guess you can tell we are from the same family :)

There is another chaotic picture floating around, but this one is funny too :)

Neat Books and a Learning Curve!

For Christmas, I asked for a few books that I have always wanted and never acquired. My Mom graciously got them for me. As a result, during our Christmas break, my nose was often buried in one of said books. :) The two that I have learned the most from are Before You Meet Prince Charming, by Sarah Mally, and One Thousand Gifts, by Ann vos Kamp. They are both amazing authors and are truly seeking God's will in their lives. I wanted to do this post and just share some of the things that God really opened my eyes to through these books. Here it goes:)

 Before You Meet Prince Charming:
 As a young girl, I have read a few books on courtship or how to prepare for it. However, I have been singularly unimpressed with many of the few I have read. (If that makes sense:D) They all seem to have have a main theme that kind of runs like this..."Stay pure until married...God will bring you the right man at the right time...talk to your parents when puzzled...etc." This is all good advice, but I knew there had to be something bigger and more relevant. I also knew that my days could not be taken up with thinking about this, because there is also the possibility that I may never marry or marry later in life. (This is not my wish, but it still is a possibility.) When reading Sarah's book, I was amazed and very happy to find that you could not even technically call it a book on courtship. One of the chapters really hit home for me. It was on delighting yourself in the Lord. For some reason, it is one of my largest struggles to wait contentedly. This was a really good chapter for me to read. The princess in the story also struggles with contentment, and there lives an alligator who always is tempting her to go run with the youth of the world. One day, he sees her walking on the bridge above his moat. She seems unusually happy. (This is all a paraphrase FYI.) He asks her why she is happy. "Did a special someone send thee flowers today?" "Oh yes," she replies," a special Someone did send me flowers today. They were so lovely!" "Lovesick", muttered the alligator to himself. "I guess I should not be surprised."  "Actually, He has sent them before, but I did not realize they were for me," replied the princess." "So tell me," inquired the alligator, "when did you meet your special someone?" "Oh, I have known Him a very long time," the princess said, "but I am getting to know Him better each day." The conversation goes on, with him asking if they were engaged, and her replying that they were. They continue talking....but I just loved the perspective that He sends me some token of His love many times a day, but so often I miss them. Now, I am looking for them and see so much more beauty in life. The other day, He sent me a baby chick. It was so fluffy and tiny, and I just had to marvel that the same hands that made those huge stars and the entire universe can and does also create and love that which is miniscule. The day after that, He painted one of the most beautiful sunrises imaginable for me, and it just makes me want to sing because of the abundant love He has poured out on me and on all. And, most importantly, I have His love letter which I can read and study every day.

That chapter also correlates with the other book I have been reading called...
One Thousand Gifts:
Mrs. vos Kamp is a wonderful author and writes in a down to earth style, just like someone would talk to you  if you were having a conversation. My Mom and sister are reading the book right now, so I can't quote from it, but I will try to share some of the key passages.  She began her journey by a challenge from a friend to mark down one thousand gifts that she could see in her everyday life. Her book is centered around the word eucharisto, which is thanksgiving. She observed that the pattern throughout the Bible is Grace given, Thanksgiving offered, and Joy received. Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle. She began watching her children, who found joy in such little things, and found that all joy comes from a lack of expectation. The expectation ruins whatever joy He sends if we expect it. It is when we don't expect, and just let the grace fall upon us, that we truly experience the Joy of eucharisto. And when we don't expect, we find so many different blessings...gifts.

Ummmm Cake..or pile of Crumbs???

I made a cake today and tried to decorate it for the first time with a decorating set my Aunt gave me for Christmas. I have not made a cake for a loooooong time and forgot to flour the pans. Mistake number one.... So, the cake comes out of the pan in approx. 4 large chunks with a lot of crumbs on the side. Nice. I pieced it together with icing and moved on. Second, because I had the cake in pieces, I got the chocolate cake mixed with the white icing, and we suddenly had Oreo icing! I started doing swags and flowers, and, well it just went downhill from there.We had a really ugly, delicious tasting cake!!! I wouldn't even let my Mom take a pic:) I really hope my Aunt doesn't see this post, because she is like a pro at decorating cakes. She's REALLY good!!!! I am now determined to make pretty cakes, and thus, we may all get quite sick of cake before they are good :) :) :)